I married fairly late in life. I I was in my 30's. That marriage lasted 9 years. The break up was hard and I had no interest in putting myself through that again. I had some encouragement from friends to look again, but I'm by nature a solitary person and I was content to be single.
Fast forward 25 years. I married a woman I'd first met in 1983. As I say to people, you can't rush into these things. If someone had told me back then, I would have laughed at them. She was "not my type". I was not her type either. We were both involved with the same fellowship. He late husband was the pastor.
I was living in their home when he passed away. The first thought was to move out, but we talked about it and it seemed more practical to stay. It was not always easy. She was used to running everything as her husband had been unwell for some time. Eventually, we got on better. I retired and had more time to help around the home.
I began to see a side of my wife to be that I'd not seen before. We went from "not my type" to real friendship. We went out together a lot and went through some ordeals together as well.
One day, my now wife was taken to hospital. While there, she became seriously ill because of a reaction to a medication. She was close to death at one time. COVID restrictions meant limited opportunities to visit. I, the cool, calm unemotional type, was distraught. I realised how much she meant to me. Eventually, I asked her to marry me and here we are. It will be three years this October.
My wife is gentle, compassionate, kind and caring in a way that I will never be. I watch her talking to people. They light up. One woman told me that she loved talking to my wife. My wife loves Jesus. She prays and studies God's word. She goes around the home singing God's praises. She is an encouragement to me without being pushy. A young waitress said that we were the loveliest couple that she'd ever met. We had a teenage girl come up to us and tell us that she was blessed to see a couple our age so happy together.
We do not pretend or put it on. We don't have to. What we have in common is Jesus. He makes all the difference.
One reason people find it hard to have a relationship is that we are not ready. Some of us are too easily offended, too selfish or with other character flaws that would hurt a spouse too much. Let God transform you into the person that He can trust with a spouse. John the Baptist said, "I must decrease and He (Jesus) must increase". That is a tremendous principle we do well to adopt for ourselves. We must decrease in ourselves so that Jesus can shine through us.
Watchman Nee saw this. He said that spiritual growth is not measured by what we gain, but by what we lose:
"Whoever tries to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will preserve it." Luke 17:33
This means that we experience an exchange. We receive the Life of Christ in exchange for the life that we receive from Adam. It's a process. For some of us, it's a long and difficult road. It's worth every step. Just ask my wife.
Fast forward 25 years. I married a woman I'd first met in 1983. As I say to people, you can't rush into these things. If someone had told me back then, I would have laughed at them. She was "not my type". I was not her type either. We were both involved with the same fellowship. He late husband was the pastor.
I was living in their home when he passed away. The first thought was to move out, but we talked about it and it seemed more practical to stay. It was not always easy. She was used to running everything as her husband had been unwell for some time. Eventually, we got on better. I retired and had more time to help around the home.
I began to see a side of my wife to be that I'd not seen before. We went from "not my type" to real friendship. We went out together a lot and went through some ordeals together as well.
One day, my now wife was taken to hospital. While there, she became seriously ill because of a reaction to a medication. She was close to death at one time. COVID restrictions meant limited opportunities to visit. I, the cool, calm unemotional type, was distraught. I realised how much she meant to me. Eventually, I asked her to marry me and here we are. It will be three years this October.
My wife is gentle, compassionate, kind and caring in a way that I will never be. I watch her talking to people. They light up. One woman told me that she loved talking to my wife. My wife loves Jesus. She prays and studies God's word. She goes around the home singing God's praises. She is an encouragement to me without being pushy. A young waitress said that we were the loveliest couple that she'd ever met. We had a teenage girl come up to us and tell us that she was blessed to see a couple our age so happy together.
We do not pretend or put it on. We don't have to. What we have in common is Jesus. He makes all the difference.
One reason people find it hard to have a relationship is that we are not ready. Some of us are too easily offended, too selfish or with other character flaws that would hurt a spouse too much. Let God transform you into the person that He can trust with a spouse. John the Baptist said, "I must decrease and He (Jesus) must increase". That is a tremendous principle we do well to adopt for ourselves. We must decrease in ourselves so that Jesus can shine through us.
Watchman Nee saw this. He said that spiritual growth is not measured by what we gain, but by what we lose:
"Whoever tries to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will preserve it." Luke 17:33
This means that we experience an exchange. We receive the Life of Christ in exchange for the life that we receive from Adam. It's a process. For some of us, it's a long and difficult road. It's worth every step. Just ask my wife.
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