Should I give up on looking for a virgin?

[XD005]

Hello everyone,
I made a thread on my ex who was not a virgin some time ago.
While I do not like to make additional threads about virtually the same thing, I think this
calls for a separate topic. So, me and my ex have been broken up for maybe about 2.5 weeks or so.
I've had time to really think about stuff, talk to other girls, etc, etc. While I have found some Christian-virgin women (online), I have yet to find anyone that I really "click" with. I'd say I have maybe went through 20 or 30 women. I have a account on 3 different dating websites, and the ironic part about it is the website keeps showing me my ex and telling me that it thinks we'd be a really good match. The funny thing about it is had she have waited and had a better attitude towards ore-marital sex, she would have been perfect but no sense dwelling on that.

I'm just starting to lose faith that God will send me the woman I desire, while I'd very much love to know how its like to be a girl's first and to share the experience on wedding night, it just looks like it isn't going to happen. I've read somewhere in the bible that god's timing is perfect and he may sometimes wait until you've given up all hope to deliver. But he sure is cutting it close. While its become somewhat easy for me to wait, I don't see a reason to continue doing so anymore if there isn't a woman doing the same for me. I've heard stories of people giving up on the same thing I am and as soon as they lose their virginity, the woman they desired comes from around the corner. But I just don't see it happening in my case. Perhaps somebody has some words of wisdom or can speak from experience about this?

 

[kayem77]

Two things. You are 20 years old. How can you be tired of looking when you're barely starting your life? Do you really think you are completely prepared for marriage if that virgin woman you so much desire came into your life? I'm 21 and I'm not even purposefuly looking for a husband, much less giving up on ever finding one. It's like a baby giving up on Kindergarten before he is even 1 year old .

Another thing. The way you talk about wanting a virgin makes me think you're starting to put virginity above everything else, maybe even turning it into an idol. You've been single for less than 3 weeks and you are already looking for a girl! It's like your whole mentality is '' I need a virgin, I need a virgin, I need a virgin now'' . Why? Why is it so important for you? You just got out of a relationship and you are already looking for girls online. That makes me think you have an unhealthy desire.

I'm not saying wanting a virgin is wrong; as Christians we know that we are to be pure and to abstain from sexual immorality.What I was emphasizing here was the obsession with needing to be with someone , especifically a virgin in this case. I know this sounds cliché and all, but I believe you need to put your priorities in perspective. It's not above finding a girl that is a virgin, but finding a girl that has been washed by the blood of Christ. Moreover, it's about fixing your eyes on Jesus, and let all your worries on his shoulders. He knows what you need and what you want, and sometimes he doesn't give you the latter, only the former.

 

[Chainhand]

For me, at least!

 

[XD005]

Two things. You are 20 years old. How can you be tired of looking when you're barely starting your life? Do you really think you are completely prepared for marriage if that virgin woman you so much desire came into your life? I'm 21 and I'm not even purposefuly looking for a husband, much less giving up on ever finding one. It's like a baby giving up on Kindergarten before he is even 1 year old .

Another thing. The way you talk about wanting a virgin makes me think you're starting to put virginity above everything else, maybe even turning it into an idol. You've been single for less than 3 weeks and you are already looking for a girl! It's like your whole mentality is '' I need a virgin, I need a virgin, I need a virgin now'' . Why? Why is it so important for you? You just got out of a relationship and you are already looking for girls online. That makes me think you have an unhealthy desire.

I'm not saying wanting a virgin is wrong; as Christians we know that we are to be pure and to abstain from sexual immorality.What I was emphasizing here was the obsession with needing to be with someone , especifically a virgin in this case. I know this sounds cliché and all, but I believe you need to put your priorities in perspective. It's not above finding a girl that is a virgin, but finding a girl that has been washed by the blood of Christ. Moreover, it's about fixing your eyes on Jesus, and let all your worries on his shoulders. He knows what you need and what you want, and sometimes he doesn't give you the latter, only the former.

Well that is quite possibly true, I sometimes forget how young I am and that I have at least a good 6 years before it really becomes TOO much of an issue. Ironically, as soon as I posted this, I got a message from a nice Christian virgin who is saving themselves for marriage and that I'm having a pretty nice conversation with. I get over relationships pretty fast as well to tell you the honest truth. After a week, I was mostly over my ex because I have realized these feels will probably never go away and it doesn't make sense to try and continue something that will never work out. I think the sense of urgency has probably come from the way society is. People think that they need to lose it quickly, I guess in a sense this has sorta got me thinking that if I don't find her soon, she won't wait for me, like the last girl didn't. But I understand a true christian would wait no matter how long its going to take. But I just don't want to be the only one giving something up.
I feel as though remaining a virgin for all the time I have deserves the same back. But like I said, I did meet a girl the moment I posted this up. Which is quite a coincidence unless thats God acting that fast.

 

[Liamson]

Dothackzero 2.0

 

[Nautilus]

Sex is a like a bellcurve mostly you have a small number of virgins on one side and a small number of 'promiscuous women' on the other. In the middle are women who made mistakes and repented or who have only been with a couple of partners anyways. Statistically you will end up with one of the girls in the middle. Now the question is why are you so concerned with getting a virgin? Is it a self esteem issue or just a severely high standard you hold women too as if you've never sinned and then been forgiven? If it's a self esteem issue over size or not meeting performance expectations then if a woman loves you she wont care. If its an extremely high standard well then i hope you dont have any sins in your past before your demanding pristineness out of a future spouse.

 

[XD005]

Sex is a like a bellcurve mostly you have a small number of virgins on one side and a small number of 'promiscuous women' on the other. In the middle are women who made mistakes and repented or who have only been with a couple of partners anyways. Statistically you will end up with one of the girls in the middle. Now the question is why are you so concerned with getting a virgin? Is it a self esteem issue or just a severely high standard you hold women too as if you've never sinned and then been forgiven? If it's a self esteem issue over size or not meeting performance expectations then if a woman loves you she wont care. If its an extremely high standard well then i hope you dont have any sins in your past before your demanding pristineness out of a future spouse.

I'm not concerned about living up to other partners. I simply want to lose my virginity to another virgin.
I want something in return for the gift I'm giving, the way god intended. I know that I have sinned, we are born into sin.
I want to be one of those men who get to share that experience with a woman. Its as simple as that, some people get to do that, why not me as well? I don't mind if she has messed around with a guy before since I have messed around with a girl before as well, so long as they have not actually done the act, which I hold myself to the same standard.

 

[presidente]

HI'm just starting to lose faith that God will send me the woman I desire, while I'd very much love to know how its like to be a girl's first and to share the experience on wedding night, it just looks like it isn't going to happen.

Three weeks waiting and you are losing faith that God will answer your prayer? The Bible teaches us that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. If you want to receive something from the Lord, ask in faith and do not doubt.

It's not that hard to find a virgin in your age-group, even if they may be a minority in the US. If you find a girl a year or two younger the chances go up considerably. There are virgins out there. Finding a girl you 'click' with who has the same faith and values may be a bit harder than finding a virgin. But you can pray and ask God to send you a wife.

What's the rush? Do you have to have sex with a virgin right now? Don't forget to get married first. You should at least know her name before proposing and asking her father for her hand.

I've read somewhere in the bible that god's timing is perfect and he may sometimes wait until you've given up all hope to deliver.

I don't think that is in the Bible. About praying for wisdom it says let him ask in faith without doubting, for he that doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven with the wind and tossed. Let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord. That's in James 1. So stop doubting.

But he sure is cutting it close. While its become somewhat easy for me to wait, I don't see a reason to continue doing so anymore if there isn't a woman doing the same for me.

Instead of the sin of fornication, let's talk about some other sin. Let's say there is this guy who wants $1000. He says he's prayed to God for $1000 for two whole weeks and it hasn't happened. All the other kids from his high school robbed liquor stores and visitors to the 'hood to get money. So since he did not get his $1000 when he prayed, he decides he can't see a reason to continue waiting for the money, so he'll rob a liquor store and beat up some people passing through the neighborhood and demand their money.

I can think of a reason not to. It's a sin against God to fornicate. Usually, we don't read about God getting revenge on Christians in the Bible, but consider this passage:

I Thessalonians 4
[SUP]3 [/SUP]For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; [SUP]4 [/SUP]that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, [SUP]5 [/SUP]not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; [SUP]6 [/SUP]that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. [SUP]7 [/SUP]For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. [SUP]8 [/SUP]Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.

The NIV says that God punishes those who do such things. Do you want God to get revenge on you or punish you? The most powerful Being in the universe who knows where you live and has all power? Isn't it selfish of you to think the only reason to abstain from sinning against the most high God is if you get to sleep with a virgin your first time?

I've heard stories of people giving up on the same thing I am and as soon as they lose their virginity, the woman they desired comes from around the corner. But I just don't see it happening in my case. Perhaps somebody has some words of wisdom or can speak from experience about this?

Seek to please God.

If you want to marry a virgin, fine. I believe it's perfectly reasonable for a virgin man to reject all non-virgins as potential mates. That should be a basic criteria for marriage, that she be a virgin, and was in many societies throughout history for a lot of men. If that's your standard, good for you. But I hope your desire to marry a virgin would also have something to do with your dedication to God. I would hope you abstain from sexual immorality for the Lord's sake. If you already marry and sleep with a virgin bride, what's to stop you from sleeping with a bunch of other virgins or married women if all you are after is losing your virginity with a virgin?

My wife and I were both virgins. I was 27. She was a few years younger. She's from Asia. In her country, virginity until marriage is still rather common. There are lots of Asian countries where this is the case, and probably African, too. In the US, there are small subcultures of Christians that have purity balls where virgin daughters dance with their dads and commit to wait until marriage. There are places to find virgins. You just need to find one that you get along with. Quit freaking out and pray about your motivations on this issue.

The virgin who may be a good match for you may be a woman who fears the Lord, who really wants to serve God. And she would likely be attracted to a godly man who wasn't willing to commit fornication just because he couldn't find any available virgins around during a period of a few weeks. And keep praying for a wife.

 

[Roots]

To be honest you sound a bit sex-crazed. What other qualities are you looking for? Sexual purity is important, but not the most important quality in a life partner. There are many to consider. You are making it too much about YOU and not enough about GOD. Yes, it would be wonderful to lose your virginity to another virgin when you marry each other, as God desires to happen. And, what an honor and gift it would be to stay pure for your wife. I wholeheartedly agree with you about these things and do not dispute their merit. But, ultimately this is not about your wife, or even you. This is about being obedient to God. We should abstain from sex until we are married because it is how things ought to be. Period. Not because it would be romantic or it's what you and your (future) wife want, but because it's what God asks of us.

Even if someone slipped up and had sex outside of marriage, God redeems people and restores them. It may even end up being a more meaningful sacrifice for that person to continue abstaining if they struggle with the temptation far more than another person who struggles less but has managed to remain a virgin.

You are young! You should have adventures, learn from people who are older and wiser than you, discover yourself, discover the world, practice making wise decisions, but most importantly SEEK GOD!!! Learn about the man that he wants you to be. Learn to let your actions stem from WHO YOU ARE. In answer to your question, "should I give up looking for a virgin" the answer is NO. Don't give up. We exist. And don't allow your fears of not finding one be a reason for you to not wait either. God has a plan for you. He will take you places and do things in your life you could never imagine. If you want him to and if you let him. Seek after him. Allow him to transform you. Pray for your future wife... but pray harder that God rocks your world and shows you things you didn't even know to ask for.

 

[zeroturbulence]

How shall I put this... Yes.

 

[reject-tech]

I don't know if you should give up or not, that's between you and God.
Eunuch doesn't just refer to a castrated male, it also refers to a man that never marries, or never remarries, or puts marriage on the back burner.

"For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."

If you can't bring yourself to settle for used goods, you are a noble eunuch.
If you can accept a girl that messed up previously, you are a loving victor.

Chances are, in today's age, you won't find a virgin unless God sends you one.
Don't settle for less unless you can really really accept it and still love that person.
People have a built in urge to "be the only one" that society crushes very early in life.
For example, tampon propaganda directed at young girls should absolutely sicken us.

 

[MissCris]

Wow...I'm not even a single girl of the right age, and I find the way you talk about this subject to be really...off-putting. I imagine I'm not the only woman who feels that way, reading your posts.

Anyway, God doesn't generally give people what they want, but what they need. You don't need a virgin. You don't need a relationship. Relax. Finish growing up.

 

[Jullianna]

Even if you do find a virgin, the day after you marry her, she will no longer be a virgin, no? What then?

Perhaps God is showing you that it is more important to choose a woman who will stand in Him with you for a lifetime than one with an intact hymen. Purity of body is important, but so is purity of heart.

 

[Jullianna]

View attachment 55905

For me, at least!

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Chainhand again."

 

[Chainhand]

Thing is, IF you are supposed to be married, God has the perfect lady set aside for you to be married with.

If she is not the ideal you had in mind, are you going to tell Him to find you someone else?

I've chased ideals before. Ideals get in the way of happiness.

 

[GreenNnice]

Hello everyone,
I made a thread on my ex who was not a virgin some time ago.
While I do not like to make additional threads about virtually the same thing, I think this
calls for a separate topic. So, me and my ex have been broken up for maybe about 2.5 weeks or so.
I've had time to really think about stuff, talk to other girls, etc, etc. While I have found some Christian-virgin women (online), I have yet to find anyone that I really "click" with. I'd say I have maybe went through 20 or 30 women. I have a account on 3 different dating websites, and the ironic part about it is the website keeps showing me my ex and telling me that it thinks we'd be a really good match. The funny thing about it is had she have waited and had a better attitude towards ore-marital sex, she would have been perfect but no sense dwelling on that.

I'm just starting to lose faith that God will send me the woman I desire, while I'd very much love to know how its like to be a girl's first and to share the experience on wedding night, it just looks like it isn't going to happen. I've read somewhere in the bible that god's timing is perfect and he may sometimes wait until you've given up all hope to deliver. But he sure is cutting it close. While its become somewhat easy for me to wait, I don't see a reason to continue doing so anymore if there isn't a woman doing the same for me. I've heard stories of people giving up on the same thing I am and as soon as they lose their virginity, the woman they desired comes from around the corner. But I just don't see it happening in my case. Perhaps somebody has some words of wisdom or can speak from experience about this?

Wait on Him, that takes faith. You had faith to believe in Him, to come to Him when He presented Himself to you in church or wherever. OK, then, delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. God knows best, just wait on Him, you will know where to go next, where to fly..............


Those who wait on the Lord will be lifted up, with wings as Eagles, they will walk and not grow weary, they will run and not faint.


To me, that verse sounds worth waiting for Blessings, XDHis, bro

 

[GreenNnice]

Thing is, IF you are supposed to be married, God has the perfect lady set aside for you to be married with.

If she is not the ideal you had in mind, are you going to tell Him to find you someone else?

I've chased ideals before. Ideals get in the way of happiness.

And, I agree ,it's reputable comment, and, I would add, that God doesn't just give us happiness (regarding choosing whom He puts out there, and, I'm not saying you can't miss a time or two, but, catch on, by the third time, ok ), it might seem like it, at first, but, underneath, is pure joy

 

[GreenNnice]

I don't know if you should give up or not, that's between you and God.
Eunuch doesn't just refer to a castrated male, it also refers to a man that never marries, or never remarries, or puts marriage on the back burner.

"For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."

If you can't bring yourself to settle for used goods, you are a noble eunuch.
If you can accept a girl that messed up previously, you are a loving victor.

Chances are, in today's age, you won't find a virgin unless God sends you one.
Don't settle for less unless you can really really accept it and still love that person.
People have a built in urge to "be the only one" that society crushes very early in life.
For example, tampon propaganda directed at young girls should absolutely sicken us.

Don't doubt, God, just follow Him, He will send you what is perfect for you, which will be perfect for Him getting you through where and what He wants you to go in life, girl, job, whatever, follow Him, the Lord leads, "Here I am, Lord, send me! " And, be ready, you know how the proverbial cliche` goes, 'Be careful what you wish for,' and, in this case 'who you wish for.' Make certain that you give it to God and make certain that you, like Isaiah, are ready to go where He leads you and IF it's a girl that He sees fit for you one will show up who is PERFECT for who you are and what you are made to be and be doing, from Him in the future

 

[Stuey]

Let me ask you a question.

Why are you a virgin? Is it because of your own hard work? Or is it because of God's grace?

If indeed it is a gift, then you haven't 'deserved' anything through your actions.

While I think there isn't anything wrong with preferring a virgin to marry, I feel you are disregarding Christ's work in forgiving someone completely and washing them clean. Especially someone who may have been saved later in life...

 

[SparkleEyes]

I think everyone (that includes you) should look for the best match. Outside of Christianity and their walk with Christ, don't obsess on any one quality. Obsessing on one or more attribute will mean you are not looking at the whole package.

Incidentally, sex outside of marriage or is no bigger (or worse) a sin than the other sins on our Not To Do list.