Its Me Again, But Im Very Distraught

This is a new fear of mine that I might be loving my Mom more than God ! I dont want too! I fear every day of losing my salvation!!! I loved my Mother very much but I dont want to put her before God. Im afraid I have and won't make Heaven. Jesus says if we love father or mother more than Him, we are not worthy of Him. I am so afraid!

That's honorable that you love your Mom so much. There's nothing wrong with loving your family.
After we are surely in the family of God, we can start to grow in love for Him. Some grow up to the point that they love Him more than anyone else. That doesn't diminish love for family.
The kind of love for God becomes so overwhelming that it's kind of like hating our earthly family in comparison. Think of the martyrs like Steven. Not everyone is worthy of the Lord Jesus standing to the love Steven expressed in his own death. Very few go through that, but that is not what guarantees ones place in Heaven.

The more I read the Bible each year, the more I see the high expectations and special abilities the Lord had for His disciples. One example was
Sunday I read in Luke chapter 10,

Jesus gave His disciples power to cast out demons. They reported back to Him how happy they were that through His name they could do this. His response was...

Notwithstanding in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven.

Did their names get written in Heaven because they cast out the spirits?
No, that was one of the outcomes of choosing to follow Jesus AFTER trusting Him alone for their salvation.

There are many expectations that our perfect holy God has after salvation. However, 100 times in the gospel of John (KJV Traditional Text) the requirements for salvation is to Believe/ trust the Savior.
The time He talks about love is more easily understood as time goes on. I asked God to help me to live Him with all my heart, soul and strength. He continues to do this. Is that a requirement for heaven?
No, but there are special rewards for those who are already saved, (by grace through faith in Jesus), IF they grow to live Him that much.

“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”
I Corinthians 2:9

The majority of pastors do not make that distinction between the second birth and the fellowship of growth in the Lord's family. See John 3.
When I was born, I was told that my Mom did all the labor.
As I grew, she had reasonable expectations as her son. I mowed the lawn, worked on the house and certain other responsibilities as I grew up.

The false teaching is that the baby goes through the labor/ work of the birthing process while maintaining his relationship with his mother through many other labors. If he doesn't live up to the expectations and fails, then he is sent to hell. That's mixing the metaphor with the false teaching of the gospel (good news?) that most teach.

The true gospel includes:

1. We are condemned already.
John 3:18
2. We cannot work our way out of condemnation. God doesn't look at how much we serve Him or love Him as the payment for sins. Who does He look to? You and me?
No.....instead it's
3. Jesus Christ Who was the only acceptable sacrifice. He laid down His own life to pay for ours.
After 3 days, He arose and offers the gift of everlasting life to all who
4. Believe in Him. 100 times in John.

18He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

There is a prayer at the end of the videos I linked to. I can also lead in prayer as I write this so you can settle that important issue right now.
Does what I explained make sense Shoshie?
Is that something you accept as true?
If not, I'll be happy to explain further or whatever you want.

Yes, it does! I think I cant believe what has happened to me. On November 23rd it will be 50 years since I accepted the Lord as my Savior. I shouldn't be where I am today. I should be setting the example for others but I think all the pain and sorrow, my sins of the heart, and day to day one issue after another have knocked the props out from under me. Im not sure exactly who this person is. I always wanted to be strong in the Lord but I feel weak.
Tonight, I attended a church function. It's my 65th birthday. We meet once a month, have a meal together, play some fun games and have prizes. The people have been so loving and kind to me. It was fun and I even won something, but as Ivdrive home, my heart is filled with sadness and I think I miss my Mom so much!
You see, I never married. I did live soneone once but it didn't work out. I always wanted children. But my parents and I lived together all these years. We were close and all they wanted was for me to serve the Lord and be happy and I the same for them. Now, there's a big gaping whole in my heart. I know I love Jesus and He loves me but Im struggling. My rational mind says, God took my family home because they were sick and suffering and now they're not. But I mentally know this but my heart breaks because of their absence. I think, how are all these other Christian people so strong? What happened to me?

The spirit is willing, but the flesh truly is weak.
When our family dies, it is not easy because you DO love them.
I've mentioned it from time to time, but not formally as I should have: other than emails to those who helped me through a major setback.

The Lord bless you with comfort because it is needed far more than some realize at times like these.
I still need His supernatural comfort and it's been a year since they killed her. My cortisol and adrenaline hormones just shot up as I reflected on the demonic killers.

Anyhow, it's good that you have a local church for support. I no longer do and I just adminished three friends the other day how important it is to encourage and empathize with others, especially those of the household of faith. The months following Mom and Dad's murderers, who God Himself will judge, my family members that remained and friends were as strangers. I know that my devastating health impacts that cascaded at those times could have been averted by the show of some love. I can see why people commonly die right after losing a family member. I nearly did.
However I am slowly recovering and making a lot of effort to get stronger and organs to heal. Supernaturally my bones and joints that were crushed healed too.

Please make appropriate use of your church family's support. When you survive the loss of your Mom, you can help provide the needs for others going through such traumas.

I cant imagine, with especially the tragic circumstances, how you've survived. It's definitely the grace of God. Yes, I do appreciate those who have supported but I do admit, at times, to have felt abandonment. And within my heart, I have felt, I pray that in the future when I see someone like me I pray I dont just walk by and ignore them. I pray, I remember the feeling of aloneness and fear and the cries of Lord, help me, I cant take this.