Should I give up on looking for a virgin?

[XD005]

Let me ask you a question.

Why are you a virgin? Is it because of your own hard work? Or is it because of God's grace?

If indeed it is a gift, then you haven't 'deserved' anything through your actions.

While I think there isn't anything wrong with preferring a virgin to marry, I feel you are disregarding Christ's work in forgiving someone completely and washing them clean. Especially someone who may have been saved later in life...

I have worked very hard to maintain my virginity. I was extremely close to losing it to my ex in fact as their was a lot of desire in our relationship. Ironically, there was a slight moment where I didn't even care but I had to lower my views on sex to that of what society has given us to see it in that light. To me, sex is a very powerful thing. To me, it links two people at the soul, like super glue. Someone who has already done it is already linked at the soul with another person. I've tried being in a relationship with a non-virgin (who I consider to possibly be my soul mate, my ex as beside that, she is everything I could want and hope for) but she isn't sorry for what she has done, constantly tells me that she does not regret it, and talks bad about me for being sad that I can't be her first. That isn't something I want to go through again. I still want to know what its like to be a first, I'll probably never get over that, I feel that could lead me to cheat on a non-virgin and then we have a bigger mess than we started with. Why not find another girl who thinks on the same level as me? Surely one of them exists, surely there is another woman out there who is feeling what I am feeling? Being a virgin in the society we have nowadays makes me feel very "alone" in a sense, like I'm an minority and everyone has just sort of left me behind.

I think everyone (that includes you) should look for the best match. Outside of Christianity and their walk with Christ, don't obsess on any one quality. Obsessing on one or more attribute will mean you are not looking at the whole package.

Incidentally, sex outside of marriage or is no bigger (or worse) a sin than the other sins on our Not To Do list.

While that is true, but sexually immorality is different. It is a sin where you sin against your own body.
The way I see it, it IS cheating on your future spouse. I don't consider it to be fair that I'm expected to wait for someone that didn't wait for me.

 

[xXErraticEmilyXx]

It won't matter so much when you love her.

 

[constantfailure]

How long have you been looking?

 

[xXErraticEmilyXx]

By the way, Matthew 5:28 reads

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

How many of us are really virgins?

 

[XD005]

It won't matter so much when you love her.

Thats what I thought too, and could sometimes find peace by thinking about how beautiful it would be with us instead of an missed opportunity. I've been told that when you finally do lose it, you don't feel any different anyway but I'm not willing to test that theory.

How long have you been looking?

2 years. I usually considered it a deal-breaker, even talking to a girl.
But I felt like for some reason, I should continue to talk to my ex girlfriend anyway.
Its weird, I almost felt like I had met her before. We were like clones of each other but different genders to some degree, with a couple minute differences.

By the way, Matthew 5:28 reads

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

How many of us are really virgins?

Thats where it gets complicated. Some people believe in virginity of the heart as well as physically.

 

[GreenNnice]

God knows our heart.

By the way, Matthew 5:28 reads

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

How many of us are really virgins?

But, yes, that is a wise bunch of accountable words from the b-i-b-l-e, EE
We should not do this, right, we all have, well, I have, I can't truly speak for others , but, let's not be naive, right.
Still, God knows the inner workings of our heart and we should keep that in mind with whatever happens in our life. Just we should do our best to follow Him. That will be perfect. The Lord leads

 

[presidente]

I think everyone (that includes you) should look for the best match. Outside of Christianity and their walk with Christ, don't obsess on any one quality. Obsessing on one or more attribute will mean you are not looking at the whole package.

Incidentally, sex outside of marriage or is no bigger (or worse) a sin than the other sins on our Not To Do list.

Some sins are worse than others. This idea can be seen in numerous places throughout scripture.

 

[Jordache]

Dude, you're 20 yrs old and you have accts on 3 dating sites. Go to Starbucks!
And as for the virgin thing, I understand your desire, but I'm not sure it should be one of those non-negotiables. Look for purity not necessarily virginity.

 

[alehandra]

jordacheee.... i like u said.....

 

[Ringer]

I don't know.

I liked that diagram before...

Anyway, first thing's first.
Life on Earth is temporary.

Temporary.

Need I say it again? Temporary.
You only have so many years to live.

Would you rather marry someone who might not be a virgin, but will make you happy in many ways you didn't think possible? Or would you marry someone who is that might make you miserable because she's into other stuff?

Need I say it again?
Temporary.

Go to heaven.
There is no heaven on Earth.
Temporary.

You will die one day if you continue to live on Earth you know..

 

[AAAPlus]

Hello everyone,
I made a thread on my ex who was not a virgin some time ago.
While I do not like to make additional threads about virtually the same thing, I think this
calls for a separate topic. So, me and my ex have been broken up for maybe about 2.5 weeks or so.
I've had time to really think about stuff, talk to other girls, etc, etc. While I have found some Christian-virgin women (online), I have yet to find anyone that I really "click" with. I'd say I have maybe went through 20 or 30 women. I have a account on 3 different dating websites, and the ironic part about it is the website keeps showing me my ex and telling me that it thinks we'd be a really good match. The funny thing about it is had she have waited and had a better attitude towards ore-marital sex, she would have been perfect but no sense dwelling on that.

I'm just starting to lose faith that God will send me the woman I desire, while I'd very much love to know how its like to be a girl's first and to share the experience on wedding night, it just looks like it isn't going to happen. I've read somewhere in the bible that god's timing is perfect and he may sometimes wait until you've given up all hope to deliver. But he sure is cutting it close. While its become somewhat easy for me to wait, I don't see a reason to continue doing so anymore if there isn't a woman doing the same for me. I've heard stories of people giving up on the same thing I am and as soon as they lose their virginity, the woman they desired comes from around the corner. But I just don't see it happening in my case. Perhaps somebody has some words of wisdom or can speak from experience about this?

I'll be very straight in my response to this. Yes, you should give up on looking for a virgin. Instead, look for a girl who is pure. There is a big difference. I see girls around church who are virgins (as far as I know, anyway) who are far from pure. They will post on facebook about guys they find hot, and flirt with lots of guys, etc. Though they are virgins, they are far from good wife material. On the other hand, if a girl has given herself up before and she has clearly repented of it, why hold that against her? God doesn't. The Bible is very clear about people who won't forgive. As long as she is pure now and keeps herself for God and her husband, she would make an excellent wife.

Now you need to get your own life in order. You broke up 2.5 weeks ago, and you've already gone through 20 or 30 women online?!?! Well how many is it, 20 or 30? That's one to one-and-a-half people a DAY. And you're just going through them like they're objects. On top of that, you're just looking for a girl to fill the void that your ex left you. You're just using these girls as tools to satisfy your own needs, when a Godly relationship means sacrificing your own self. To be quite honest, you're the reason I'm afraid to have a daughter.

Now you're 20 and you've waited so far. Good. Keep waiting. I think God will bless that. But it gets harder from here. Before you decide to follow Jesus, you need to count the cost of doing so. If you're not going to follow Jesus, then don't. But if you are going to follow Jesus, then waiting is part of that. As well as respecting women, and being patient.

 

[KrissyT]

I remember a young man of your age when I belonged to one church a few years back. Everyday he prayed for the woman God wanted him to marry. I remember him talking to me for advice and he was always worried about finding the right girl. He waited for what seemed six years and God did then answer his prayer and sent him the woman he wanted and they have been married now for almost ten years. Sometime waiting is the best answer. Good Luck.

 

[XD005]

I'll be very straight in my response to this. Yes, you should give up on looking for a virgin. Instead, look for a girl who is pure. There is a big difference. I see girls around church who are virgins (as far as I know, anyway) who are far from pure. They will post on facebook about guys they find hot, and flirt with lots of guys, etc. Though they are virgins, they are far from good wife material. On the other hand, if a girl has given herself up before and she has clearly repented of it, why hold that against her? God doesn't. The Bible is very clear about people who won't forgive. As long as she is pure now and keeps herself for God and her husband, she would make an excellent wife.

Now you need to get your own life in order. You broke up 2.5 weeks ago, and you've already gone through 20 or 30 women online?!?! Well how many is it, 20 or 30? That's one to one-and-a-half people a DAY. And you're just going through them like they're objects. On top of that, you're just looking for a girl to fill the void that your ex left you. You're just using these girls as tools to satisfy your own needs, when a Godly relationship means sacrificing your own self. To be quite honest, you're the reason I'm afraid to have a daughter.

Now you're 20 and you've waited so far. Good. Keep waiting. I think God will bless that. But it gets harder from here. Before you decide to follow Jesus, you need to count the cost of doing so. If you're not going to follow Jesus, then don't. But if you are going to follow Jesus, then waiting is part of that. As well as respecting women, and being patient.

I'm not saying that I went through them like objects, I talked to them for maybe a couple days,
they started talking about sex almost immediately or just stopped returning my messages and I moved on.
While that is probably true that I am trying to satisfy an emotional void left from my ex, is their anything wrong with just talking to a woman? I never said I was necessarily pursuing a relationship with any of them, if it so happens that we click, whats the problem? Additionally, I do not think that a person can judge if they have not been through what I have been through. My ex would actually tell me what she and this guy did. She would tell me that she wasn't sorry for having sex with him. She told me she does not regret it, that she should not feel bad about what she has done because god forgives her. While that is true that God forgives her, what kind of emotional toll do you think this would bring on me? Firstly, just having an image of your mate getting intimate with another person is upsetting, and to be told that they don't regret it and are not sorry, continually. While she did say she wish that she would have waited for me and shes sorry she couldn't be my dream girl, on one occasion. She went on to say the latter several times afterwards. Does this not reveal any red flags about her values or views on sex? What would we teach our kids? Thats a conflict I am not willing to go through again, it hurts far too much, emotionally. I'm still not even over it completely.

I remember a young man of your age when I belonged to one church a few years back. Everyday he prayed for the woman God wanted him to marry. I remember him talking to me for advice and he was always worried about finding the right girl. He waited for what seemed six years and God did then answer his prayer and sent him the woman he wanted and they have been married now for almost ten years. Sometime waiting is the best answer. Good Luck.

That is true. God will send us the desires of our heart.
Thats good to hear a story like that, I thought I was alone.
Psalm 37:3-4

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 

[Shouryu]

I don't consider it to be fair that I'm expected to wait for someone that didn't wait for me.

Psst. You don't get to decide what's fair and what isn't. God does.

You don't get to decide who God has purposed for you. God does.

You don't get to decide what is most important in His eyes. He does.


Here's a crazy idea. Stop focusing on women. Focus on Christ. Because if He is truly number one in your life, then you should be joyful and fulfilled plenty fine by pursuing Him. But then ol' Psalm 37 sneaks up on you...you've been delighting yourself in THE LORD, and when you least expect it, He gives you the desires of your heart. And if she's truly a woman who has a heart for Christ the way that you do (in this scenario), then you won't care one bit about her sexual past, because LIKE YOU, she's focused on CHRIST, and that's all that matters.

If you truly believe that a loving bride is a gift from the Lord, who are YOU to complain?

"Lord, what's the deal? I prayed for a car, and you sent me a used Toyota? UNACCEPTABLE! You know I've wanted a Jaguar this whole time!"

"A studio apartment?! God, I needed an affordable place to live, and this is all You can muster? Not even a two-bed townhome? Not fair."

"Haven't eaten in THREE DAYS, been praying about it constantly, and all I get for that prayer is a can of beans? Lord, I deserve STEAK for holding out this long!"

I don't care if you're a virgin.

Compared to Christ, you are wretched. You are filth. You deserve NOTHING. And yet you build yourself up as if you've done this grand noble thing, and you deserve something special for all of this work...news flash: ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALLEN SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD. THE WAGES OF SIN ARE DEATH.

[video=youtube;M5QGkOGZubQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5QGkOGZubQ[/video]

And you're going to preen and posture as if you've earned something!

You are BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE already. You are saved by a grace and a love that no person on this earth could ever match. You call the One who spoke the universe into existence your FRIEND! And you're indignant that you can't find a virgin?

There are other religions that idolize virgins, you know. They think they can earn them, too. Sounds like an easier plan to me.

 

[XD005]

Psst. You don't get to decide what's fair and what isn't. God does.

You don't get to decide who God has purposed for you. God does.

You don't get to decide what is most important in His eyes. He does.


Here's a crazy idea. Stop focusing on women. Focus on Christ. Because if He is truly number one in your life, then you should be joyful and fulfilled plenty fine by pursuing Him. But then ol' Psalm 37 sneaks up on you...you've been delighting yourself in THE LORD, and when you least expect it, He gives you the desires of your heart. And if she's truly a woman who has a heart for Christ the way that you do (in this scenario), then you won't care one bit about her sexual past, because LIKE YOU, she's focused on CHRIST, and that's all that matters.

If you truly believe that a loving bride is a gift from the Lord, who are YOU to complain?

"Lord, what's the deal? I prayed for a car, and you sent me a used Toyota? UNACCEPTABLE! You know I've wanted a Jaguar this whole time!"

"A studio apartment?! God, I needed an affordable place to live, and this is all You can muster? Not even a two-bed townhome? Not fair."

"Haven't eaten in THREE DAYS, been praying about it constantly, and all I get for that prayer is a can of beans? Lord, I deserve STEAK for holding out this long!"

I don't care if you're a virgin.

Compared to Christ, you are wretched. You are filth. You deserve NOTHING. And yet you build yourself up as if you've done this grand noble thing, and you deserve something special for all of this work...news flash: ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALLEN SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD. THE WAGES OF SIN ARE DEATH.

[video=youtube;M5QGkOGZubQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5QGkOGZubQ[/video]

And you're going to preen and posture as if you've earned something!

You are BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE already. You are saved by a grace and a love that no person on this earth could ever match. You call the One who spoke the universe into existence your FRIEND! And you're indignant that you can't find a virgin?

There are other religions that idolize virgins, you know. They think they can earn them, too. Sounds like an easier plan to me.

I enjoyed your meme. Very funny. But regardless, I consider this to be a desire of my heart because even when I do put my feelings and what I want aside, I still don't feel comfortable being with a non-virgin. In my previous relationship, I've said that my ex would pressure me somewhat to get intimate and continually tell me how she didn't regret it and that its stupid and unrealistic for me to desire a virgin. She actually told me I need therapy. I don't want to be with anyone who looks at sex like it isn't a big deal. While that might be true to some degree, I don't think that's something you should tell someone. Does god not tell us to ask him for what we desire?

You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

James 4:2

Now, I will admit that I did not ask god specifically for what I would like.
But its as simple as just wanting to have that experience in my mate's life.
I feel more secure knowing that they haven't laid with anyone else. There
are no standards, etc, etc. Actually this has turned more into a debate now that I think of it.
Funny I just realized I've asked you guys your opinions and when you give them, I fight against them.

 

[GreenNnice]

We are to delight ourself in the Lord, not in our own heart's desire, exdeedude The Lord leads. And, that's how He leads. You can want something of your own desire, but it will not turn out well. That's the flesh going after things, and, we need to go after spiritual things, His Spirit in us leads us to do that. Not easy, I know, I know, bro, but, with God, all things are possible, and, we simply are to beliieve in Him, have FAITH in His plans for us. That is what we are to delight ourselves in, and, His plans are better than our own desires for certain, He MADE us , He knows everything about us, right down to our minds and the most beautiful outcome for them to be most used and blessed Give ALL glory to God for what we do. K?


"Delight yourself in the Lord, and, He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

 

[Fenner]

Maybe it's time to stop looking for virgins, or wondering if people are virgins that you may or may not want to have a relationship with. Just be, by that I mean, live your life. You're 20 years old and have time to settle down. If you meet someone while you're living your life then good. Don't stress about this, I realize at 20 dating is a big thing, it was for me. I wish I followed my own advice then that I'm giving you now. I wasn't searching for a virgin but I dated all the time. I wish I would have pursued my goals a little more and worried about dating a little less.

Follow God, he'll take you where he wants you to be, go to school, work, have friends, enjoy life. This time will pass and soon you'll be married with a mortgage and two kids who don't sleep well. Enjoy your freedom for now.

 

[Stuey]

Funny I just realized I've asked you guys your opinions and when you give them, I fight against them.

You've summed things up nicely here.