Its Me Again, But Im Very Distraught

[Shoshie]

I know I have posted over and over! I know I must be driving everyone crazy. But I feel scared and desperate!!!
First, Ive posted many times re: my grief over my Mother and Stepdad's death. Then, I have posted fear over losing my salvation. Ive also posted re: guilt about my caregiving skills when my Mom was so sick.
There is an issue of which I am very embarrassed about though I am assured by the pros is not my fault. I work in a local hospital and have spotted " creepy crawlies" at work. I , now, have a bedbug infestation in my house. Im embarrassed by this, though, Ive been assured it's not my fault but they are hitch-hikers. Extetminators are coming to treat the house and get rid of bedbugs. Then, just recently, I had a procedure at the hospital (an ultrasound on my legs). It was determined I have 3 blood clots in my left leg. Im on a blood thinner..
This is my fear, and I am serious, I fear with all this, the grief, the bedbugs and being bit every night, my physical illness, being alone all the time, and numerous other things that I will walk away from my faith and oh, I dont want too. Im scared of losing my salvation!!! It's a pervasive fear!!! Not because the Lord doesn't keep His end but Im afraid Ill give up. Make that horrified!!! Maybe, Im mad at God for all that's happened but I surely dont want to be!!! I dont want tovwalj away!!@ im so scared!!!

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I know I have posted over and over! I know I must be driving everyone crazy. But I feel scared and desperate!!!
First, Ive posted many times re: my grief over my Mother and Stepdad's death. Then, I have posted fear over losing my salvation. Ive also posted re: guilt about my caregiving skills when my Mom was so sick.
There is an issue of which I am very embarrassed about though I am assured by the pros is not my fault. I work in a local hospital and have spotted " creepy crawlies" at work. I , now, have a bedbug infestation in my house. Im embarrassed by this, though, Ive been assured it's not my fault but they are hitch-hikers. Extetminators are coming to treat the house and get rid of bedbugs. Then, just recently, I had a procedure at the hospital (an ultrasound on my legs). It was determined I have 3 blood clots in my left leg. Im on a blood thinner..
This is my fear, and I am serious, I fear with all this, the grief, the bedbugs and being bit every night, my physical illness, being alone all the time, and numerous other things that I will walk away from my faith and oh, I dont want too. Im scared of losing my salvation!!! It's a pervasive fear!!! Not because the Lord doesn't keep His end but Im afraid Ill give up. Make that horrified!!! Maybe, Im mad at God for all that's happened but I surely dont want to be!!! I dont want tovwalj away!!@ im so scared!!!

I'm sorry you are going through so much fear. That must be sooo stressful.
What do you think about the video I sent on the subject of salvation?
You might want to go back and prayerfully watch it again.

This is an introductory video on bedbugs. If it's of interest, I suggest searching his channel on his DIY Extermination of bedbugs. He is a retired exterminator who helps people with these problems.

Once you make sure there's none in the bed, you put sturdy bowls of oil under the bed legs. If you don't think you have strong ones to support the weight, there are stainless steel ones in the pet section of stores that can be low cost. This drowns them and makes an impassible moat for your bed.
You can take notes from the video and it's possible.

I will pray for you. Blood clots in the legs are painful. I've had them before and many injuries. By God's grace was able to dissolve them by natural treatments.

 

[Shoshie]

I'm sorry you are going through so much fear. That must be sooo stressful.
What do you think about the video I sent on the subject of salvation?
You might want to go back and prayerfully watch it again.

This is an introductory video on bedbugs. If it's of interest, I suggest searching his channel on his DIY Extermination of bedbugs. He is a retired exterminator who helps people with these problems.

Once you make sure there's none in the bed, you put sturdy bowls of oil under the bed legs. If you don't think you have strong ones to support the weight, there are stainless steel ones in the pet section of stores that can be low cost. This drowns them and makes an impassible moat for your bed.
You can take notes from the video and it's possible.

I will pray for you. Blood clots in the legs are painful. I've had them before and many injuries. By God's grace was able to dissolve them by natural treatments.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

 

[Shoshie]

Would you also mind resending the salvation video. I watched it but sometimes I get lost trying to remind something. Not very tech savvy. Thank you!

 

[Daisy2]

I know I have posted over and over! I know I must be driving everyone crazy. But I feel scared and desperate!!!
First, Ive posted many times re: my grief over my Mother and Stepdad's death. Then, I have posted fear over losing my salvation. Ive also posted re: guilt about my caregiving skills when my Mom was so sick.
There is an issue of which I am very embarrassed about though I am assured by the pros is not my fault. I work in a local hospital and have spotted " creepy crawlies" at work. I , now, have a bedbug infestation in my house. Im embarrassed by this, though, Ive been assured it's not my fault but they are hitch-hikers. Extetminators are coming to treat the house and get rid of bedbugs. Then, just recently, I had a procedure at the hospital (an ultrasound on my legs). It was determined I have 3 blood clots in my left leg. Im on a blood thinner..
This is my fear, and I am serious, I fear with all this, the grief, the bedbugs and being bit every night, my physical illness, being alone all the time, and numerous other things that I will walk away from my faith and oh, I dont want too. Im scared of losing my salvation!!! It's a pervasive fear!!! Not because the Lord doesn't keep His end but Im afraid Ill give up. Make that horrified!!! Maybe, Im mad at God for all that's happened but I surely dont want to be!!! I dont want tovwalj away!!@ im so scared!!!

Shoshie, sorry you're going through that. We had a similar experience. First, go around the house and wash all the sheets in vinegar wash and dry them on hot. Then, vacuum your bed, wash it, and dry it in the sun afterwards, especially if it's in a plastic cover. After that, vacuum thoroughly in each room, take the dust and bugs, and seal them in a plastic bag with vinegar before disposing of them in the garbage. Next, spray vinegar everywhere, and I even spray it on myself before bed.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Would you also mind resending the salvation video. I watched it but sometimes I get lost trying to remind something. Not very tech savvy. Thank you!

Yes, Happy to.

How God Deals with Sins Before and After Salvation <

Simply Good News<

I'm available anytime I'm here to answer questions.

 

[Shoshie]

Yes, Happy to.

How God Deals with Sins Before and After Salvation <

Simply Good News<

I'm available anytime I'm here to answer questions.

Before I listen to the video, could you tell me (and it may be in the video) I know God doesn't leave us but is it possible a true believer could walk away. This is my fear!!! I dont ever want to, but Ive been hit with so much Im horrified I could!!!

 

[Shoshie]

Before I listen to the video, could you tell me (and it may be in the video) I know God doesn't leave us but is it possible a true believer could walk away. This is my fear!!! I dont ever want to, but Ive been hit with so much Im horrified I could!!!

 

[Shoshie]

I just listened to the video. Thanks. If you wouldn't mind addressing my question..I need some peace desperately!!!

 

[Branch]

Dear Shoshie,


First, let me assure you that your fears and your repeated cries for help do not weary either God or those who love you in His name. If I may borrow a phrase from the Psalms, “He remembers that we are but dust” (Psalm 103:14). Your honesty about your struggles—your grief, your guilt, your shame, your physical pain—is not a burden to those who care, but a sign of your courage and your longing for the light.


You ask whether a true believer might walk away from God. I think that you are asking the wrong question. The real question is not whether you might let go of God, but whether He will ever let go of you. The answer, as all the saints and Scriptures testify, is a resounding “No.” We are not saved by the strength of our grip upon Him, but by the strength of His hold upon us (John 10:28–29: “No one will snatch them out of my hand.”).


You say you are afraid you will walk away. But you also say, that you do not want to. This is not the language of one who has abandoned faith, but of one who is clinging to it in the dark. Remember, faith is not a feeling of certainty or a constant sense of God’s presence. It is, quite simply, the decision to turn to Him—even if only with a sigh or a groan—when all else seems lost. “Lord, I believe; help Thou my unbelief” (Mark 9:24).


You mention being angry with God. If I may speak plainly, He is not offended by your anger. He is not a petty tyrant, but a loving Father. He knows your pain, and He welcomes your honesty. Even Christ, in His agony, cried out, “My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46, quoting Psalm 22:1). If the Son of God Himself could voice such anguish, surely you may as well.


As for your fear of losing your salvation, let me remind you: The Shepherd does not abandon His sheep because they are frightened or lost. He goes after them (Luke 15:4–7). Even now, in your fear and loneliness, He is nearer than you suppose. You are not holding onto Him by your own strength—He is holding onto you (Isaiah 41:13: “For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you.’”).


Do not be ashamed of your weakness. It is in our weakness that we most clearly see our need for grace (2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”). And grace, thank God, is what He gives.

The fact that you fear walking away is itself a sign that you have not. The longing to remain with God, even when you feel unable, is itself a gift from Him. Trust, not in your own steadfastness, but in His.


You are not alone, my dear friend, and you are not lost. “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

 

[Marston]

Im scared of losing my salvation!!!

God's love for you will NEVER change. You will be in God's Kingdom after your time here is finished.

Romans 8:38-39
English Standard Version
38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

[Shoshie]

Dear Shoshie,


First, let me assure you that your fears and your repeated cries for help do not weary either God or those who love you in His name. If I may borrow a phrase from the Psalms, “He remembers that we are but dust” (Psalm 103:14). Your honesty about your struggles—your grief, your guilt, your shame, your physical pain—is not a burden to those who care, but a sign of your courage and your longing for the light.


You ask whether a true believer might walk away from God. I think that you are asking the wrong question. The real question is not whether you might let go of God, but whether He will ever let go of you. The answer, as all the saints and Scriptures testify, is a resounding “No.” We are not saved by the strength of our grip upon Him, but by the strength of His hold upon us (John 10:28–29: “No one will snatch them out of my hand.”).


You say you are afraid you will walk away. But you also say, that you do not want to. This is not the language of one who has abandoned faith, but of one who is clinging to it in the dark. Remember, faith is not a feeling of certainty or a constant sense of God’s presence. It is, quite simply, the decision to turn to Him—even if only with a sigh or a groan—when all else seems lost. “Lord, I believe; help Thou my unbelief” (Mark 9:24).


You mention being angry with God. If I may speak plainly, He is not offended by your anger. He is not a petty tyrant, but a loving Father. He knows your pain, and He welcomes your honesty. Even Christ, in His agony, cried out, “My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46, quoting Psalm 22:1). If the Son of God Himself could voice such anguish, surely you may as well.


As for your fear of losing your salvation, let me remind you: The Shepherd does not abandon His sheep because they are frightened or lost. He goes after them (Luke 15:4–7). Even now, in your fear and loneliness, He is nearer than you suppose. You are not holding onto Him by your own strength—He is holding onto you (Isaiah 41:13: “For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you.’”).


Do not be ashamed of your weakness. It is in our weakness that we most clearly see our need for grace (2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”). And grace, thank God, is what He gives.

The fact that you fear walking away is itself a sign that you have not. The longing to remain with God, even when you feel unable, is itself a gift from Him. Trust, not in your own steadfastness, but in His.


You are not alone, my dear friend, and you are not lost. “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

I just came from church, pulled in my driveway, and decided to check any messages posted. I needed to hear what you wrote!!! I could never thank you, or the Lord for using you, to encourage me. Since the death of my parents and all that has transcended, I have never felt so alone and in such spiritual battles some of my own creating. I have at times felt so hopeless and helpless and forgotten so I thank you for being a vessel of honor to show me God' s heart toward me and that of the Precious Son and Precious Holy Spirit.

 

[Shoshie]

God's love for you will NEVER change. You will be in God's Kingdom after your time here is finished.

Romans 8:38-39
English Standard Version
38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Thank you, Marston, I needed to hear that!

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Before I listen to the video, could you tell me (and it may be in the video) I know God doesn't leave us but is it possible a true believer could walk away. This is my fear!!! I dont ever want to, but Ive been hit with so much Im horrified I could!!!

I understand how you might feel considering that so many pastors teach that the word gospel, which means GOOD news/ message has a lot of conditions that none of us live up to absolutely. That's not good news.
That's a scary thought to dwell upon.

The very first thing I would suggest is to pray and ask God for clear understanding. Then get a Bible and turn to the passages that both men quote. Read for yourself and I will gladly help with the rest. There is a key to understanding this simple, yet profound message. It's summed up in the word "Grace."

God bless you and will connect after a good night sleep. It will be easier then.

 

[crmvet]

Psalm 18:28

 

[Branch]

Dear Shoshie,

Upon further reflection, I find myself uneasy about my previous words, not in the sense of being angry at God, for I have never done so, for we all know, what Jobs wife said to him. Any suffering we endure as nothing compared to what the Lord suffered on the cross. Amen. And if I have spoken incorrectly, may God in His mercy forgive me. My desire is only to speak truth and love.

I feel compelled to share with you both the sobering realities and the profound promises of Scripture. I do not wish to unsettle you, but neither do I want to gloss over the truth, for it is in truth that we find both warning and hope.
Think of King Saul, a man once chosen by God, yet later troubled by a distressing spirit because of his persistent disobedience and rebellion (1 Samuel 16:14). Scripture does not hide from us the fact that God can withdraw His favour when people’s hearts turn stubbornly away. The Psalms speak of God’s anger at sin and rebellion, and the New Testament warns that it is possible to “grieve the Holy Spirit” (Ephesians 4:30) or even to “quench” Him (1 Thessalonians 5:19).

Yet, there is always mercy for those who turn to God: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Repentance is not a one-time act, but a posture of the heart—a continual turning from our rebellion and hidden sins toward God. We must ask for forgiveness not only for our actions, but for the attitudes that drive them. “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise” (Psalm 51:17).
It is this love for God—rooted in faith and trust in the One who first loved us (1 John 4:19)—that can move mountains (Matthew 17:20). Salvation is a free gift for all, for God “desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 2:4). Yet, as our Lord Jesus said, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him” (John 6:44). The Holy Spirit must draw us, and we must respond by seeking the Lord with all our heart and all our mind: “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). Heaven is not the ultimate goal—it is a glorious plus. The true goal is love for Our father and for His Son, Jesus Christ: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37). “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee” (Isaiah 26:3).

I knew someone who suffered for more than twenty years over the death of her sister, her pain as sharp as a sword in her heart. But she never blamed God for the death of her sister, who was ill for years before her passing. She prayed for years that her sister would be healed. God answered her prayers, and He took her home. It is God’s will be done. Where there had been no love for certain people in her family, suddenly there was resounding and abundant love. Then one day, after years of suffering, the pain in her heart disappeared. God took it away for her.

Dear Shoshie, you must lay your will down for God. Jesus followed the will of His Father. It is not by our works; it is God’s work. The cost of the gift of salvation is often overlooked, but if one were to try to buy it, they would never be able to afford it, no matter how much money they had, as it is such a steep price. The Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth paid the price. Jesus Christ came in the flesh, and Jesus Christ is King. Amen.

So, my dear friend, if you find yourself wrestling with anger, rebellion, or hidden sin, do not despair. Turn to God in repentance, ask for His forgiveness, and seek Him with all your heart. “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8). Let your love for Him—not fear of punishment or hope of reward—be your driving force, for it is in loving Him that we find our true home, and in seeking Him that we discover the fullness of His grace.
With every blessing and hope,

And now, a word of practical counsel, as gently as I can offer it:
If you find yourself unhappy in your home—if you feel depressed, if you look around and see only things that weigh you down—why not consider a fresh start? Sell your house, make a profit, and buy a smaller home. Give yourself to the Lord anew. Forget, the worries that bind you. Can you forgive? This world is nothing compared to eternity. God says He stores up treasures for us in heaven. Your mother and your stepfather are there. God is making a new world for us.
Get rid of all those unnecessary things in your home. Give the money to the poor. Volunteer your time to the church— feeding the poor, visiting the sick. You will feel better. Take your eyes off yourself and onto the Lord and what He suffered on the cross. If you can do nothing else, keep the garden at your local church. Plant a garden. Mow the lawn. There is healing in serving, in giving, in tending to the simple things that God has made. It may seem a small thing, but sometimes it is in the smallest acts of obedience and love that we find the greatest peace.

With every blessing,

 

[Shoshie]

I understand how you might feel considering that so many pastors teach that the word gospel, which means GOOD news/ message has a lot of conditions that none of us live up to absolutely. That's not good news.
That's a scary thought to dwell upon.

The very first thing I would suggest is to pray and ask God for clear understanding. Then get a Bible and turn to the passages that both men quote. Read for yourself and I will gladly help with the rest. There is a key to understanding this simple, yet profound message. It's summed up in the word "Grace."

God bless you and will connect after a good night sleep. It will be easier then.

 

[Shoshie]

This is a new fear of mine that I might be loving my Mom more than God ! I dont want too! I fear every day of losing my salvation!!! I loved my Mother very much but I dont want to put her before God. Im afraid I have and won't make Heaven. Jesus says if we love father or mother more than Him, we are not worthy of Him. I am so afraid!

 

[Branch]

This is a new fear of mine that I might be loving my Mom more than God ! I dont want too! I fear every day of losing my salvation!!! I loved my Mother very much but I dont want to put her before God. Im afraid I have and won't make Heaven. Jesus says if we love father or mother more than Him, we are not worthy of Him. I am so afraid!